(Tosses you my dream journal) everything you need to know is in there

I’m the guy who installed all this crap for him and I did a terrible job and now I’m being sued because someone got crushed to death by a falling Frankenstein head

'the good stuff' officially becomes the highest selling product of all time

you basically need one photo of yourself with a open head wound and blood all over your face so you can use that to get out of any event you don't want to go to

If I was a cage fighter I would stop fights all the time and complain that my opponents aren’t allowed to hit me because I have a force field

Smoking isn’t cool. There’s no reason to have cigarettes. But you should always carry them in case you’re driving alongside someone with their window open and you need some to light on fire and throw through it

For some reason reggae music always makes me think of Jamaica

the sun is gay for getting blocked out by the moon like that

my parents will be together forever and i will have a stable home life

Space is one of the biggest things in the Universe

i'm thinking of leaving a complicated legacy

1 hour is 1000 seconds

watch out for

all i'm asking is for you to take 1000000 chances on me

Weird. I’ve dreamt this exact moment for the last 100 nights in a row. I wonder if that means anything

Look. Some people just get constantly attacked by birds. There’s no need to make a big deal out of it

there must be some way we can harness the power of electricity

we're like the beach boys but for rocky beaches. our songs are mainly about how painful going to the beach can be

Renouncing my citizenship of fuck freak island

Top 15 most wistfully melancholic nba moments