Twitter Beğeni Hilesi

Her: "were you thinking about me?" Me: "of course" My brain: *I wonder how fast we'd have to run to not sink on mashed potato

Imagine going to the fucking moon in something built in the '60s

It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile so along with being annoying as fuck, happy people are lazy

Smokers who don’t smoke in their house are funny. You will put smoke in your lungs but not in your living room

Some say love is a river Me, I say shit that makes sense

Did that one girl on here finally get laid?

I just want the confidence of my teen who replied “Who’s this?” to a guy who texted her after ghosting her for a month.

Sometimes you can just sit with someone and do absolutely nothing and it still feels like everything

Just over here still living my brat girl summer.

My job is very stressful right now, but at least everything else in my life also gives me anxiety.

Worst part of being a Virgo is knowing your parents were getting it on around the holidays

i always leave my grandma’s house with no less than four pounds of leftover potato salad & a pet chipmunk

If they didn’t want me bringing beer and pretzels, they shouldn’t have asked me to provide the after soccer game snack for the kids.

might get drunk & become a fuckin problem tonight

Can't wait to not sleep all night again

My life was going just fine until I stopped drinking from a garden hose.

listening to these same 5 songs over and over until the words stop making sense will definitely fix me

Sorry for the things I said when I was ovulating.

Getting lost in her smile is a great place to be lost.

My love language is stfu