The real measure of success is how well you’ve disguised pajamas as street wear.

Pretty embarrassing night all around for the ESPN+ graphics people. This is what they’re showing moments after an amazing 2-1 victory by Cornell Men’s Ice Hockey. #LetsGoRed #YellCornell

that’s true. I can’t tell you how often I can’t spend time with my pregnant wife and crying children cuz I gotta prioritize my 3 kinds of onions

Y’know, that’s like Fortytwopence in Dog None the Richer.

One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.

Before you balk at a post, say, "Well, I never!" aloud, belly up to the keyboard and slam out "Not all men!" take a breath. Consider it may be a trap.

Well that’s a BARGAIN!

QT with the oldest picture of you on your phone.

hold me tight, like i’m a fart on a first date

Found the destination for our next family trip

Holy cow. A student directly confronted a founder of Moms for Liberty for getting involved in a threesome after attacking his “sexual immorality” as a member of the LGBTQ+ community. THIS is why we love Gen Z. He made her find out bad. So freaking good. x.com/LoneStarLeft/s…

A man in Oklahoma has been formally exonerated by a judge for a murder he didn't commit after spending 48 years in prison. This is the longest known wrongful sentence in the US. Glynn Simmons, 71, is only eligible for $175k in compensation from Oklahoma, and it may take years.

SF can still win the Super Bowl If Mike Pence does the right thing !!!

Me: Pretty soon it will be snowing. Guy in Florida falling into a sinkhole full of alligators during a hurricane: omg I hate snow

A convicted felon was just reelected president. There's no rules anymore. I've started pronouncing the L in salmon

Yup, you'll now find me over in the Blue place.

I’m thrilled to announce my commitment to the admissions process at Brown University! Go Bears 🐻 🤎🌿 Carolina Elite SC Nat’l - Fusetti Paige Knussman Ebony Waters Brown Softball Mary Holt-Kelsch Rich Fonseca #committed