I wake up at 5AM every day, spend 4 grueling hours in my kitchen fixing my breakfast paella, which I barely have time to enjoy before it’s time to begin my lunch paella. But hey, i didn’t start my paella cleanse because it’s easy, I did it because something is very wrong with me.

my son just told me that i have a "fixed mindset" and he has a "growth mindset" so he's banned from youtube until i can figure out what is going on

"im not owned! im not owned!!", i continue to insist as i slowly shrink and transform into a corn cob

RIP to everyone killed by the gods for their hubris but I'm different. and better. maybe even better than the gods

atomic 😂😂 I can't stop laughing. This is the best one.

Long covid has wrecked my life It’s bad, very bad. But you knew that already I want to tell you a hopeful story. A story about the things that can be done here and now to mitigate this terrible illness

“I’m hungover” - Lame - Big deal - Get off the couch “The gods have punished me for my indulgences” - Oh damn - That sounds serious - Shall I prepare a healing poultice?

BIG NEWS: The new 4K release of PLANES TRAINS AND AUTOMOBILES contains the legendary 75 minutes of deleted scenes that have been whispered about for decades. Finally, witness John Candy smoke and eat a hot dog at the same time.

#今年一番伸びた絵を貼る やっぱりこれかな。 『虎の威を借る』和紙/岩絵具/水干絵具/胡粉

hey kids who learned their vocab from reading, what word that you mispronounced still haunts you

It Is Journalism’s Sacred Duty To Endanger The Lives Of As Many Trans People As Possible bit.ly/3S5Lh6r

Tim G Hello Tim, wanted to follow up on this & let you know a fix has been rolled out. 🛠️ Please clear your cache & cookies & try again. If you're still having issues with this, send us a DM & we'll be happy to investigate! 🔍 ^RM x.com/messages/compo…

This is the ideal musical instrument. You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like.

apple car leek

My parents had to put their dog down two years ago and it’s been really hard on them. Unfortunately my stepdad, Rick, has found the worst way to cope: feeding a one-year old raccoon and letting him live on their porch. His name is Little Rick aka Rickoon. And by “feeding” him,

blocked. blocked. blocked. youre all blocked. none of you are free of sin

Being 28-2016: I'm not ready for a relationship 28-1816: I have 13 kids 28-1000BC: I lived a good life, thrice I ate a berry and once a pear