Trump is allowed back on Facebook and Instagram, meaning the arse is about to fall out of Truth Social… in stark and amazing contrast to his other business ventures.

It’s taken six weeks, but after running a poll on Twitter about whether he should stand down as CEO, Elon Musk has finally taken decisive action and changed his account settings to ‘protected’.

Tony Abbott describes George Pell as “the greatest man [he’s] ever known”, giving every lifesaver and CFA member he’s served with the huff.

Peter Dutton describes decision to leave King Charles off a redesigned $5 note as “…another attack on our systems, our society and institutions." Considering King Charles’ presence on coins being minted now, military experts describe the attack as being unsuccessful.

In case anyone is interested, I counted the attendees of today’s cooker parade in the Melbourne CBD. There were 37. Folks, save your legs. Have your angry social outing at a pub.

Alan Tudge is expected to retire from politics over Robodebt. Any day now. I get the feeling that if anyone tapped his knee as a reflex test, his foot would jerk up six months later.

I actually hope Alan Tudge’s imminent retirement is something of a Groucho Marx - he didn’t want to represent people who would be so foolish as to elect his staffer-manipulating Robodebt-helming arse.

With his history of chasing people for money they don’t actually owe, Alan Tudge has a great career ahead of him as the bot voice of scam phone calls.

We can't let this happen, America

The word “recital” should be spelled with a double-i, just to make sure.

When I get a go with the Infinity Gauntlet, my first act will be to absolutely weld together the concepts of “your fault” and “your problem”.

The front page headline, and the click-through. News Ltd can FRO… and those 1 in 10 can stump up in three decades’ time.

Trump must've typed "indicated" completely. There's ZERO chance that his autocorrect doesn't offer "indicted" for use. For the same reason the autocorrect on my phone offers "fucksake".

Now, as I don’t have Twitter Blue this won’t go far, but here goes… High-profile people are saying they haven’t paid for their ☑️ because Twitter is saying they have, and they don’t want their names used in false advertising. That’s it.

I have a total of 187 followers, and a blue tick costs $20 Australian per month (better uses I could put that money to include getting 4000 5c pieces and throwing them one at a time at unpleasant strangers). So, if the three people who see this want to find me elsewhere…

If the marketing team of the Barbie movie can make the word “Kenergy”, then surely I can have “Mattigue”.

Critical thinking time, #VoteNo-ers. Can you show me any individual complaining about their inclusion in the #VoteYes case? If not, what does it say about the official Vote No campaign that they’re okay with this?