Fuck Calgon, thanks wine for taking me away lately!!! #LifeCanKissMyAss

In an awesome mood!!! :) #Lovedayslikethis

Earlier today, a Notre Dame student hit a halfcourt shot to win $18K. His reaction? Priceless -> youtu.be/WOrSwzgJT2Y (via @ESPNCBB)

Ever had sex while camping? It's fucking intents.

FACT: Motels are for ass, hotels are for class.

Being sarcastic on a regular basis can add up to 3 years to your life. Sarcasm is extremely healthy for the mind.

Admit it, at some point in your life you tried to see if you had superpowers, maybe a couple times.

We found the man responsible for Notre Dame's uniforms this evening ->

My former caddy, Brandt Snedeker is -7 after today. #Masters

I said to myself, 'run, Beth. Run for your life before this man kills you both.' Do you know what the klutz did? "No and I don't caaare!"

Opening a strip club with fat male strippers and we serve chicken- it's called 'chicken dales' -all the chicken and slaw u can eat!

Make love to the present and fuck the past ~

Yes, @JimCarrey and @Jeff_Daniels are signed on to reprise their roles of Lloyd and Harry in Dumb & Dumber To. #DumbTo