The feminine urge to be the craziest woman he’s ever met.

A real man is soft with his words and loud with his actions.

I’m a 4, but I’m also horrible with numbers.

Might nip out for a bit, pop into the local haberdashery and browse the latest notions.

This whatever hasn’t killed me yet is taking forever to make me stronger

If she's not somewhere between "fuck she is fine" and "this crazy bitch is going to kill me", I don't want it.

I don’t know whose Bluetooth I was connected to blasting ‘When Doves Cry’ but you’re welcome

I put the oof in aloof.

I hope you heal from whatever made you write like that.

You know it’s true love if I Iet you touch my car stereo

Fleetwood Mac said that I could go my own way, your honor.

They loved me for the simplicity of my silence, because my stillness made space for their noise—their stories, their wounds. It was easier to speak about themselves than to ask why I was always so quiet.

I'm honestly surprised, that at this point in my life and with my levels of ridiculousness I haven't become a meme at this point.

The smartass in me really doesn't like the dumbass in you.

Life is too short to eat flaccid bacon. Crispy that shit up! - Inspirational

According to this box of spaghetti I am an Italian family of 8

Lost my pet unicorn. If you find it, please share your drugs.

If I could talk to anyone, alive or dead, I wouldn't.

I never know what to do with my arms when I'm dying inside.