Gregorian monks to raise money for the NHS so they can make arm supports out of cord?

Chants would be a twine sling.
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I used a psychoactive drug to try and cure my incontinence.
Cannabis?
Yes - weed everywhere!

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Decide If These Celebrities Are Cool Or Not And We'll Reveal How Hot Are You quizly.co/are-these-cele…

When I took my dolphin to hospital, I realised that all of the beds contained Killer Whales.
Orca Ward?
It was indeed.
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Pretty sure Julius Caesar was having an affair with a man called Vincent

Why else would he be shouting 'Vini' so much?

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If you think that listening to The Blue Danube caused your sore throat, then you may be rasping at Strauss.
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'My friend used to be the world's best grammar corrector. But now he's not as good as he once have been. Can you give me a good word to describe him?'

'Hasbeen'

'Don't you start!'

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Sainsbury's to cut the cost of loo roll by 11%, eh?
Now *that's* a public convenience!

#ratemypun #lunchpun

Judge:
'Frankenstein's monster....you have been charged with menacing the public. How do you plead?'

Frankenstein's monster:
'Not guilty m'lud - I've been stitched up.....'

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If a noun is paid, cash down, to take part in a sentence...
...has it sacrificed its amateur status and become a PROnoun?

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A lunatic weaver is on the loose

Police are describing this as a basket case

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What's a crow's favourite drink?

Coors

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#badjokethursday #LunchPun #RateMyPun

I once asked Michael Jackson if he thought any flying insects had mammary glands-

He told me “Bee Tit!”

#SideSplittingSunday #LunchPun #RateMyPun

A Heathland type location is the place most likely to make you tipsy:

As the saying goes ‘the moor the merrier’

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My patience with threadbare carpets is wearing really thin

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Went to Kwik Fit and ended up on the floor convulsing for 10 seconds.

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“Which American folk singer wrote ‘Where Have All the Flowers Gone?’”

“Woody Guthrie”

“Close, but no Seeger”

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Took my car in for a service - vicar’s not happy.

#lunchpun #ratemypun #jokeoftheday #MondayJokes

Meow Meow.
miahcombat.com/collection/ang…
#cats

Decided to become an architect

High time I did something constructive

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Not everyone became sensations overnight - from Channing Tatum to Emily Blunt, here are your favorite stars' lesser known, often forgotten beginnings.

This cheap thesaurus I bought is not only useless, it’s also useless and useless.

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