Test Shohei for IUDs. No way he’s doing this naturally

Uhh hey buddy that’s my ball

You gotta stay in the mix cause if you ain’t in the mix then you’re outta the loop

Word around town is that after last night G&T’s will be renamed Greco & Tonics

Ratatouille is a good movie. It’d be a great movie if it was set in an American city, like Cincinnati

He his a liar, a thief, and overall a horrible person. He should be locked up until he is 50 (this has nothing to do with the baseball team he plays for) #freeIppei

Thinking about prime Rajon Rondo

I’m at a sports bar watching college football with my girlfriend and 4 of her girl friends. This is like putting on animal planet for a dog

Cold pizza has less calories than hot pizza. Especially if eaten in the morning

My least favorite people on the planet: 1. Shohei Ohtani 2. Yeah I guess that’s it. I can’t think of anyone else. Shohei Ohtani is so horrible he makes me see the good in everyone else

Oh no…your cute little paddle sport requiring little skill and movement is going away? Pickup a racket and get on the baseline, big papa is serving, love-all. Tennis will never die

Just a kid with a rocket arm and a dream. One (1) year of eligibility left due to Covid. DMs are open

What’s the opposite of Ozempic? My New Year’s resolution for 2026 is to get really husky

Starting a new job today. The only thing I’m concerned about is making sure I’m the most athletic in the office

I take it personally when you remind me about Venmo requests

My buddy calls him The False White Hope

the bit of lore my family is most proud of is that on like day 1 of covid, when everything shut down, my brother launched a covert spec ops raid on hearst castle and drank a beer in the neptune pool

So bored at work I might fire up NikeID and customize some basketball shoes