Food belongs in your belly. Not in the toilet. #StopPoop

First born son

Futurama tbh

Oh wow. Who could have predicted.

Niggas will always remind u to put yourself first cus that’s all they ever do

If I told you this is what gave me the ick from someone one time… to be clear, it’s bc he ONLY had wipes, not *in addition to* tp

I can confirm this after meeting one of my roommates. Ingrid, if you see this, you’re a terrible person. I hope you’ve killed yourself already.

tall and afraid of me

Paris love me

i can relate to the US government because i am also leaving questionably big decisions up to the whims of a mentally ill group chat

When you call Greg Abbott "Governor Hot Wheels" he just can't stand it

And it’s me

Brunches & day parties all summer.. I wanna be drunk by 4 & in bed by 10 😂

If you’re white you can’t crash out you can only go bonkers

Hey so guess what

I’ve known my husband for over ten years and we go through a several month honeymoon phase like every 3 years