People who can’t commit to tattoos put stickers on their hydroflasks

I still can’t believe Big Leaf convinced you all to eat Kale like this

They don’t even sell Lonnie jerseys man you gotta custom make them shits

When does art become art?

I don’t even like what I like

I guess this is where he learned how to dictate the offense

They should’ve waited to win in Miami Now they’re gonna go celebrate at a microbrewery

I’m losing friends and family to the algorithm

Tweet rations is crazy

Play I’m blue da ba dee da ba die at my funeral

How were people getting depressed before Instagram?

Everyone on Twitter is posting local news level of outrage shit to get paid. It’s clickbait but in tweet form now.

*coughs to fill gap in conversation*

“I’ll see you in hell” is my favorite way to hang up the phone

You guys are not reading in these coffee shops

Ever since the strike ended I’ve been acting different

How do you think Henry Ford would feel about the Ford Fiesta?

What is the purpose of this flour?

I’m trying to be Rimowa on a Spirit flight

Whoever taught the baby boomer generation to end texts with “…..” needs to be hanged