I'm not sure straight white guys can fully appreciate the existential dread of waiting for 9 unelected officials to tell you whether or not you get to be a person. And I'm not sure they will appreciate what it's like when those people tell you "no."

If we can’t be people, we can at least be a problem.

a grim day to have a body

that's my emotional support room-temperature iced coffee with an inch of water floating on top

“hey are you ok” no the days are getting shorter

wish i didn’t love to complain but unfortunately i’m just really good at it. who am i to deny the world my gift

Sunset in NYC this evening is at 6:01pm. The sun won’t set any later than 6:00pm in NYC again until March 12th, 2023.

Okay, look. I feel weird telling anyone NOT to vote, but if you are the kind of person who might consider voting for Rick Caruso, Lee Zeldin, or Dr. Oz, please go to the polls and write in "The Pringles Guy." Everyone else...vote regular.

When Fetterman takes office in January, 10% of all U.S. senators will be named John/Jon

As Twitter meets its fiery demise, consider all the time you'll have now to devote to other interests.

If Twitter ends, I’m receiving it as a sign from God to go find some hobbies.

If this is the end at least Elon taught the world an important lesson: billionaires are trash and not to be trusted

look if there’s one thing Twitter taught us it’s “keep tweeting dumb jokes in the face of pain and chaos until the feelings overwhelm you”

I do not want to enter my two factor authentication code. I want to feed an apple to a horse

If you've ever wanted to own a piece of New York City history, you will soon have the chance. 4.nbcny.com/QgAnPIR

Think about how unreliable you have to be to be too unreliable for the MTA!

I shouldn't have to answer emails when the sky is sepia toned from smoke. Sorry, it's olden times outside. Let's circle back when it's the present again.

And THAT’S why you don’t play chicken with the public library budget