Thanks a lot Bella Salgado for texting me and messing up my game of geometry dash 😡😡😡

You ever see a girl at Target or the airport and just think about her for years because...

Professor: thanks class I’ll see you all later The class of 300 people: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANKS

Do politicians not take high school economics because...

As a matter of fact I have...

Me casually watching river monsters....AT MOTORCYCLE MECHANICS INSTITUTE!!!

Quadratic formula would go hard as a tattoo

I am this close to going full Chris McCandless 🌲 might be fun

45 years ago

Gretzky played in a farm league.

When you get home with the takeout and the food is the wrong order 😢🦑

Girls in trucker hats.

One day it’ll be that the only people I have to answer to are my wife and God.

Hi do you guys have any lunches left for slice?

Goodmorning to everyone except the guy from Kansas who called and ruined the best part of my song.

Good morning, we still miss the Turnpike Troubadours.