Great news Liz, I'm playing Robbie Williams in his new biopic. He's being portrayed as a CGI chimpanzee and I'll be doing motion capture. Jeremée Chalomet will be the voice. No relation.

People killin people dyin Peter Lois meg and Brian

I heard when you join the alt right they make you swear on three books. I struggle to remember the third.

the real tiktok is the sound of the clock that ticks while god decides if you’re living in a way that glorifies his image

The Darius Rucker version wheel makes me mad. Hootie you don't gonna do it, just let them other cats sing it who are in turn singing it for Dylan

Me when security catches me breaking into a golf club, to steal tees or something idk: I'm actually a surgeon and I make a lot of money so I play golf here. My name? Uhhh...it's...uhhhhhh...

Dog if I die in one of your planes you gotta put a tie on, don’t mourn me in performance fleece

I Photoshop Paddington into a movie, TV show, or pop culture until I forget: Day 1426

I came here to die and pay taxes and I'm all out of taxes.

0101100101. What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1010011010? Ahhh!!!!!!!!! #Futurama

rip

I don't celebrate holidays but I don't mind a milestone here and there. Officially two years with no seizures. Eat a dick epilepsy. Gonna celebrate by not getting enough sleep, drinking excessively, and staring at flashing lights. Wait, that's what I do most Saturdays.