Having bested the high scores of Bill Hicks and Jesus, I’ve decided to give myself a platform for hot takes… Life looks bleak? Set Lower Bottoms!

Aloe Vera nasal drip is the sensation cocaine wishes it could be.

Resign, Diane. Diane Resignstein

The world is better post-Barbenheimer

In Japan the show “Jersey Shore” is called “Macaroni Rascals” and I’m obsessed with that.

🎥❔Where the Wild Girls Were --> Did you know in(famous) O'Farrell Theatre is up for sale?

OMG…just witnessed a mob robbery of about 30+ ppl running to BevMo on Geary & Stanyan. Saw one try to enter and fist fighting with security. Called 911. Circled around d the block and saw at least 20 running south in Stanyan with a small group running west on Geary. San Francisco Police.

ON THE FILP PEOPLE WILL SAMPLE SOME AMAZING MUSIC IN THE MOST BARE AND MID WAY AND EVERYONE LOSE THEY FUCKING MIND.

The first few notes of Yeah are like sleeper agent trigger words that activate older millennials

My chess strategy is to make a bunch of erratic moves at the beginning to throw my opponent off, & then lose the game

A young person being physically restrained by grey haired liberals for daring to ask a perfectly fair question is such a salient metaphor for the current state of the Left

COMPARISON REALLY BE THE THIEF OF JOY.

Captagon sounds like an exciting new shape

sure....

Good day to log out and unplug. I’m not gonna do it, but it’s a good day for it.

it's all the time actually

Futurama airs in the same universe as the PJs