As someone who used to work in customer service I assure you those 3 signs won’t be enough

“Don’t answer the door for nobody”

??? !!!

I really really really don’t need this rn

"Imma just wake up early and do it then"

Peace of shit

ordered mcdonald’s and they put 1 extra nugget in my bag

hanging out with my VERY pregnant friend tonight and every time she moves or makes a sound I’m like…

feel like she would've loved this tweet

I’m uncomfortable when I sit, when I lay down, when I stand up… I can’t take this no more

I fw this pic so hard he overly letting you know you running out of time

Him doing the Mexican whistle is genuinely way more impressive than everything he did in The Revenant.

If I Ain’t Got Skims

4 days into having a boyfriend and my coworker has the audacity to tell me he likes my shoes

imagine telling someone battling CANCER that they’re “out of sick days” and need to come back to work... bitch what the fuck??!

ordered food and the guy texted me "estoy aqui" so i replied "uno momento por favor" mhmmmmm