me: i'll order 7 slices of cheese on a burger i don't give a fuck hot girl: why is my name "hot girl" me: pardon? hot girl: why do I have to be "hot?" need ur followers to know you're on a date with a "hot" girl? can't be seen with plain folk? hot waiter: 7 fucking slices?

therapist: *holds up inkblot test* what do u see me: a therapist with no professional boundaries shoving their shitty art into my face therapist: please take this seriously. me: ok it's a car therapist: no it's us holding hands :/

customer: can we get a plate of french fries for the table? me: (first day as a waiter) ahh i don't think we're allowed to feed the tables boss: can i talk to u for a sec me: what's up boss: ur doing a great job. i want those tables to starve.

boss: i found your twitter. me: ok boss: some posts were concerning. me: ok boss: specifically the one where your boss says he found your twitter me: ok boss: what does the teeth man say me: idk i ran out of characters on that one boss: please just tell me the teeth man:

Tyler Durden: welcome to fight club! thanks for coming Me: don’t mention it Tyler Durden: *under breath* fuck he’s good

Me: y’all... would’ve... Doctor: Patient seems stable Me: y’all’d’ve Doctor: oh god the contractions are getting closer

trying to get deniers of laid on climate christmas change 🤝 “but baby, it’s cold outside”

[1932] *a baby neil armstrong is climbing on the counters* neil armstrong's mom: HEY get down from there [1940] *a rowdy youngster neil armstrong is playing on the roof* neil armstrong's mom: HEY. get down from there [1969] neil armstrong's mom: ,, whaT the fucK

doctor: i'm afraid i have some bad news me: better than having fox news ;) doctor: hahahaha :) me: i'll be here all week haha :) doctor: haha give or take

interviewer: what do u bring to the table me: potato salad if it’s like a family thing interviewer: i meant to work me: [clearing my throat] i would bring regular potatoes. none of that funny business

“Any wakefulness beyond 15.84 hours in a day produces cumulative neurobiological cost. That cost compounds every single day you exceed it and does not reset with a weekend of sleeping in.”

We need Cesc at Arsenal

Kristo Käärmann geoff Wise Time for intv6

I mean... The film was banned in Kenya

This fucken team bro

#COYG 🙏🏾

Local individual bond accounts surged 297.6% year-on-year to 3,010 in Q1 2026 from 757 in Q1 2025, the sharpest single-year rise on record. The jump coincided with record secondary bond market activity, with full-year 2025 turnover reaching KSh 2.71 trillion and February 2026

My bro would come to our class, straight to my desk, ata haongeleshi teacher "Vivianne, Hee fejo" nampea anaenda Class inabaki ikianguka na micheko

"Mjadara"

"The bond's Name. James Name" Pleased to... what? "Bond Name's the james" Are you alright? "Bames Nond's having a stronk, call a Bondulance"