Lucy Glendening. Murphy Howard. Aspen & Isla Bertuzzi.

Me realizing software engineers wrote software that flew astronauts to the moon and back in the 1960s and I can’t even get Python installed on my machine

This scenario is so familiar.... #bachelorinparadise

oops, just feel in love with an averagely attractive man but can’t tell anyone about it because his instagram is heinous

Deer: I sense...... A hunter. His scent, he tried to mask it.... But I know Man when I smell it. Ah! I hear him shift in his seat. I make my exit. Farewell, marksman Also deer: just gonna cross this highway real quick and hoopity doopity a car has made my insides outsides

idk how to explain this but I need someone who is sort of mean to me but not too mean bc i’m soft but don’t ever treat me like i’m soft but also always keep in mind that I am. you know

Someone needs to go to look at Christmas lights with me.

Alexa how do I tell a nice boy who wants to date me that I only like guys with anger issues that ignore my existence

Petition for bars and restaurants to play The Bachelor on Monday nights like they do sports !! I’m trying to sit at a bar with a bunch of girls and scream at the tv and make bets on who Peter sends home

A head coach criticizes horrendous officiating ($10,000 fine), a player dangerously crosschecks another in the throat ($5,000 fine), a ref yells at a player on the ice to f*** off and the league says “nothing to see here”. That’s about where the NHL has sunk.

Mate, your team got swept by a team you’re accusing of deliberately tanking.

My Plans 2020

I’m just gonna put this out there

There’s no way we’re going after a man who has lost two of his children for giving his last son a kiss on the cheek while the thing in office has said he’d date his own daughter

twitter bullied bean dad off the app in 12 hours lmao sometimes this hellscape is indeed a force for good

How about we nix Presidents Day and make Election Day a national holiday instead?