I hope SmarterChild is doing okay nowadays

Got that quarantine *glow* jk it's just neosporin on my zit scabs

It’s Tuesday, you know what that means: T - arrest U - the E - cops S - who D - killed A - Breonna Y - Taylor

Self portrait idea using the thousands of used contact lenses I could collect, layered on each other - but too lazy to do it so someone else do it plz

Is that mars behind the moon right now? *googles to see if this is special or just some shit the planets always do*

Derby 2020 ended with 3 old men getting into a fight, 2 of them being thrown out, 1 of them coming back later for his friend's hearing aid, and I was home by 12:30. I hope this lasts forever

Tonight Vern asked me if I could have a cardboard cutout of anyone ever, who would it be. Then later he asked me if I had a goal in life. Still stumped on both

Getting emotional over the fact that my insurance company doesn't discriminate against bully breeds. I'm not a home owner and don't need home insurance, but still :')

Just ordered new glasses so now just patiently waiting for the ones that I lost to immediately show up

Working on my karma one Porta potty seat wipe at a time

Being sober makes me feel drunk

Bought a $3 cd from a guy on the street, 6 sweet tracks, one of the rap verses: "inhale with the smoke, choke, then let out a fart"

At least snapchat doesn't tell them how many *times* you've looked at their story

I just pulled a spider out of my ear but that probably only happens to a person once, right?

It's bad enough to play the claw machine alone, but to play the claw machine alone and not win anything...

I know sleeping is super cool and all but I don't think it deserves to be on Wikipedia's list of "indoor hobbies"

I can tell I'm super wasted when I floss my teeth and brush for a full 3 minutes

🎶🎶Doctor doctor, give me the news! I've got a bad case of FOMO-induced depression caused by an unhealthy addiction to social media🎶🎶

Bummed a cig to the man working at white castle and he gave me 50 cents off my order AND a free burger I am on cloud NINE

2018 fashion statement: super long toes