Sad to hear the #Eurorvision entry I directed didn't do very well, I thought everyone would relate to having a moustache more than than that

I gave a wonderful performance yesterday in my one man Chekov play. The audience were moved. They had to be moved there was a fire drill.

No one turned up to audition for my production of The Caretaker But at 5:27 the perfect actor walked in, unfortunately he was the caretaker.

27 radio stations have now turned down my Marcel Marceau act. #philistines

My poetry evening overran by 1hr but the audience were on their feet by the end, they had to be the cleaner had begun stacking the chairs

#actingtips to play a sarcastic person imagine watching tennis and follow the ball while pretending you have a mouthful of lemon juice

On Monday I'm taking 200 electric fans to Green Park for my new, more literal, one man adaptation of Wind in the Willows

Pleased with my Chekov adaptation about a father's brother who is always questioning if he is able to do things... It's called Uncle Can,ya?

Auditioned for x-factor. Did a Pinter play from inside a Dalek. They gave me 4 no's. I threatened them with my plunger & they had me removed

Award-winning Mischief's Peter Pan Goes Wrong, 27 Jan-1 Feb bit.ly/12eY2Bv Pics on.fb.me/1A7Hdn5

Who's this behind door number 2 on our #OLTAdvent Calendar? youtu.be/fnF47Utj-bQ

"I think you'll find there's something wrong with my mobile phone... the screen is badly cracked, do you know of a repair shop?" #DateDennis

There must be one less angel in heaven tonight.. because earlier I lost my temper and shot dad's gun up into the air in a field #DateDennis

When I first logged onto Twitter I misunderstood it and took photos of myself playing 140 characters.

New show: The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time In Your Garden. Me and a dog perform interesting scenarios on your patio at 3am.

I got fired from my job at the speaking clock for making time go backwards and then segueing into my time travel novella.

Just finished 7hrs method acting prep for Midsummer Nights Dream. I lay on a slab of ice and had six men hit me with sticks. I am now puck.

#actingtips to portray absolute terror simply try and fill the whole room with just your face.

Just done PrimalScreaming perf in Hyde Park. Many doubted the idea but 2 policemen watched and during threats section called friends to join