Woke up so excited to vape

Owls and monkeys kind of make similar noises

2.5 beers at bowling last night and now I’m hungover at yoga

Flirting with this chick at the bar and kept calling her Kitty. Turned out her name was actually Katie. Classic blunder! #women #igetscaredwhenitalktogirls

This kid either lives down south or somewhere Wisconsin

We can go band for band on famous chicks my buddies have banged allllll day pal

I’m at work just rubbin my shit

Desperately need a pimped out Stewie Griffin t shirt

I would black out every time I put on the Stew

Starting a band for stupid people called My Key Mick Wire

45 minute flight. Dude next to me put down a bag of gummy bears, twizzlers, gardettos, sour patch kids, and then immediately started scrolling through the Jimmy John’s Instagram page once we landed

Just bought this at the store and the cashier ask me how long I’ve been single

Twitter is shadow banning me because I got banned (for a week) for the 2nd time because I keep telling Dr. Justin Congrego to p***l the sk*n off his face. I will not be silenced. ✊🏼

Got yo bitch slobberin so much you’d think she was retarded

Just saw a grown ass man post his Uber Eats wrapped on his Instagram story

As a man you should always have 2-3 injuries you aren’t really doing much to fix

36 minutes in to work today and someone already blocked me on Facebook Marketplace

What if they made Diet Beer and it had 0 calories