Because St. Patrick's Day was last Sunday, today has to be my make-up St. Patrick's Day. I am off to release my Irish drunkenness on a a very unsuspecting American public.

People be talking all the time about Chicago Vs. New York; but the best two places I've had pizza were Toronto and Colorado, so I really don't know what to think about the whole thing . . .

Co-worker just told me that another colleague of ours is a flat out nightmare to work with. When I said it surprised me because theyre really shy & quiet, she said, 'yeah, shes quiet, cause she saves up all her evil for the emails!' And yeah, new favorite description of a person

My mind is always a little blown away about the fact that I can make waffles whenever I want

I was today years old when I found out that a Leghorn is a specific breed of chicken, not just a silly sounding word. So, the whole thing is a descriptor: he's a leghorn that sounds like a foghorn. . . . Mind blown!

Brazilian ice cream fridge at the store: lime and passion fruit, corn, strawberry chocolate, raisins and rum, pineapple, cream and sprinkles, and naepolitan

My toxic trait is muting almost everyone and then wondering at some point later why I never see posts from them anymore

Totally normal country. 9news.com/article/news/v…

Obviously I think the Olympics is a childish waste of time where we hand out gold circles to people for being able to run really fast, or throw really far; but now that it has caused a moral panic amongst the worst of us, I am so here for it!

I've reached the age where no TV show I watch is as exciting to me as watching the little approaching circle of the person bringing me my pizza

Hollywood, listen up: she's a basketball ball player, he's a gymnast. They missed their Olympic shot, but not all is lost: they can break! A young couples journey of self-discovery to the rhythm of love. Step Up: Olympic Dream

Boom! People always making fun of video game healing items for being unrealistic. where's your theory now, eh!? gizmodo.com/a-new-algae-ba…

Can someone please explain to me why I am now suddenly having to hear and see the word demure 100 times a day?

Would you rather be

New alcoholism level unlocked: imagine how much of a drunk you have to be to need the sippy-cup version of a pint glass.

I'm calling it now: if he loses, the second the election ends, that creeping dementia he "definitely doesn't have" is going to become the central pillar of his defense against being put in jail. youtube.com/shorts/Y6tGW7_…

12 hours away from actually finishing Dry-January for once and boom! Work drinks invite! And, these are work drinks for the last day of a colleague I actually like. They always find a way to pull me back in!

Going to Germany to tell them they should become more right-wing. . . what could possibly go wrong? politico.eu/article/us-vic…

I have just discovered that cooking buttermilk pancakes in bacon grease makes them even more delicious than usual. When I inevitably die as a direct result of having discovered this, please read this tweet at my funeral

There's no choice left at this point except muting the word 'Oasis'