#ListenToThis: Black by Pearl Jam #NowPlaying on Napster npstr.cm/ludhji

Candace Owens: "I think that virtually every societal ill that we are facing today is because of women" mediamatters.org/candace-owens/…

I didn't wear earrings for a long time and the holes closed, now I'm worried about my vagina.

I know I'm not your type because I have tattoos and opinions.

My boys are gamers and I'm single It's like a race to see who can use the most batteries

Ugh! You guys! Twitter isn't about feelings. It's about joking about feelings.

Not everyone is beautiful on the inside. Some people are just nasty ass motherfuckers.

The kid is out, the vodka is poured, the bra is off, my weekend can start.

My photoshop brings all the boys to the yard And they're like Who the fuck are you and where's that hot chick?

Is it a bad sign when you send a pic and you have to send a follow up text that says: that's my vagina.

You're missing from me...and I hate that.

I don't think you know what you do to me.

I just got the finger from some dude in a clown costume. --obscene jester

"Aww, that's so cute that you're looking for me. We both know that you don't have a replacement." --9 Volt batteries

If you take your baby to a pumpkin patch that's not organic you might as well sign them up for community college now

You're not that cute: A millennial story

Bernie Sanders always looks like he's about to send his food back

If you hold a sea shell up to your ear, you hear the ocean. If you hold an empty tissue box up to your ear, you hear the new Adele album

You ever hear someone talk and you can just tell they spell everything wrong?

I hate boys who play you & restaurants that don't do bread baskets