2: Whas dat? Me: Probably spit up I’ll clean— no don’t t— 2: Yep, yogurt.

i hope your day doesn't suck

Me: Daddy’s gonna go potty real quick. My children:

Just bought new sponges and bourbon so Idk if I actually need anything else for Christmas this yr

In 2004, when the mayor of Fucking, Austria, was asked if he'd change the name of the town, he replied: "Everyone here knows what it means in English, but for us Fucking is Fucking - and it's going to stay Fucking." The residents of Fucking have reportedly had to deal with a lot

In 2009, Rage Against the Machine were asked to perform a censored version of 'Killing in the Name' on live BBC Radio. Once on air, Zach de la Rocha then proceeded to scream the lyrics, "F**k you, I won't do what you tell me" repeatedly before being cut off. BBC hosts quickly

Aw man, how did that whistle get in the trash? Shoot. I’m just so upset. Dang it.

Smoke curls up from the table in your quiet little room, and your heart’s worn the handle of an old pushin broom. 🎶

me: let's go up to bed my kid: carry me

Tis the season to bawl my eyes out to Coco

All right then, keep your secrets

Staring at the mirror whispering “please please please” between sobs and gasps. Toothpaste running down my chin. This dentist visit will be different. It has to be. It has to be.

Jenna Ellis reads a tearful statement in court after her guilty plea where she throws Rudy Giuliani under the bus and says she wishes she had never gotten involved.

I gave my 2yo a Slim Jim and he liked it so much he asked for another but this time he had me cut it up and serve it to him on a plate

All I have to do to unite my toddlers is give them a common enemy by sticking up for one of them.

Trump sits in court all day listening to Michael Cohen testify that his business empire is a facade, has a reporter tell him about Jenna Ellis’s plea deal as he’s walking out, then gets in his car to learn Mark Meadows testified against him to a grand jury on an immunity deal.

“Can you get my water, Mom?” — My child, still in possession of the perfectly healthy legs I spent 9 months growing for him

“What, is your brain smaller than the Grinches heart?” -My 6yo absolutely roasting me

Have we...have we learned nothing