why the curb get so close to my car when im driving bro like damn move out the way

i found one :’)

My lil rolls cute 😌

every 18 seconds I'm like "do I have covid or is that just what it feels like to have a throat?"

she’s so photogenic

the teletubbies have confirmed that they are all 18 which means that they can be drafted into a war

i am not trying to seduce you, i just have almond shaped eyes and low energy.

Does anybody have some patience I can borrow

If I introduce myself to you and you’re like “we’ve met before” well I’d say that’s on you for not being more memorable

one of my clients married last name is colon. imagine being so in love that you marry someone with the last name colon?

i will get over it but im gonna need to be dramatic about it first

ah sorry i’d love to but i’m booked solid!

here’s your reminder that unless someone explicitly told you with their words they are upset with you, there is no need for you to worry yourself sick. you have no mental or emotional obligation to people who do not communicate with you. no matter how much you love them

I invented something called a “mental health bagel” which is when I buy myself a bagel if I feel bad or good about myself

how come a morning coffee makes me feel slightly awake and a 4pm coffee makes me want to walk around in a bathrobe with two pistols