what’s it called when u take a mental health trip to target

asked for cream in my coffee at LAX and the barista legitimately did not know what i was talking about

It’s Halloween weekend and that means it’s time for everyone’s favorite Japanese festival Jimi Halloween, where people dress up in costumes so mundane they have to be explained. Let’s dive in 🧵

(parody) hi im elon musk i have every dollar an i put them up my butt (satiré)

crawling into bed and wondering why im hungry after having a white claw and a bag of microwave popcorn for dinner

this is a photo of my great grandmother (1960), she was a passionate womens rights activist. she never stopped fighting for change, she refused to be silenced, and she inspires me every day ❤️ i love you grandma

naming my daughter sue but it’s short for subaru

my bf was like “sometimes i get so horny i get lightheaded, does that not happen to u” are men OK

Telling myself i’m gonna take my time spacing out my tattoos and then immediately scheduling 2 more

did i eat something that gave me a stomachache or do i just have a stomachache

doctors will be like “u haven’t been here in two years u need to come back” and then ask “so why are you here” four times when you do show up

the TSA agent held up my bin as an example to the rest of the line on how to go through security correctly. this means I got an A in airport travel, which is a completely normal thing to strive for and attain

You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.

put it in bark

the older i get, the more birds scare me

is it a new trend to workout in pj pants or is it just a planet fitness thing

We literally all died, Rob. We died. 100% of the time.