Dry July was great for 5 days until I won national sausage roll competition

Is there an international competition for humans who make dolphin noises?? I had a boring childhood

“Put out more wax than Martin Lawrence ears” RIP Chino XL

Cops at 2am driving up Windy point hill at 100kms they right up my arse making me go faster. Lucky they let me off with warning. Van was going sideways, they loved it.

Stengle will be sent for drug testing by the AFL right???

Stick your surveys and reviews sideways

So now my Instagram feed is purely ads and suggested pages. Says I’ve seen everyone’s post for last 3 days. No way cunts

Who the fuck picked our breakdancer for olympics. Surely some old school rocker got a look in

Maggie in shower and I’m hearing Erykah Badu playing. My job here is done

If you know me well you know my cat Homer. He is nearly 18 and I’m worried it’s time to say goodbye. I pray to god nothing happens while Maggie is in hospital next week 🙏

Anyone good with photoshop?? Will pay handsomely

I now speak fluent Yapanese Yappers everywhere Tell your fav bakery to enter the competitions and watch them lose 🤷🏻‍♂️

The demographic of Insta followers to FB followers is crazy. I don’t want FB for business. Full of entitled Boomers who have shitty opinions and forget everyone else can see what they write

We won vanilla slice by 10 points. Ready for back to back on that one next year already. If I don’t die from working too much

Stop whinging about cost of living if you doing bare minimum

I can have the absolute worst day come home spin some records and feel 💯 again 🤷🏻‍♂️

My mother in law who is retired did not go visit her granddaughter in hospital when she was in there for 5 days and in ICU for 1 day. Am i being a cunt if i text her for being a cunt or is that cunt overload?

94 Ghost could possibly be one of the greatest underground hip hop tracks ever made

Of course i get covid xmas eve 💀

Note to self to not drip out when traveling overseas 🤦🏻‍♂️ Customs was fun “Do you ride motorcycles?”