what the fuck are camels hiding in there

They knew i was smart as a kid because I was jacking off to sexual words in the dictionary

thabk you so much for the trophy vince!!💞

happy saturyayyyy!! show me what y'all are listening to tonight (: youtu.be/5yo_1fgGYQE

on this page we: - do not take our sunglasses off in the home depot - make fun of little caesars but understand that it's delish - respect the heck out of Evanescence - understand that it's "cactuses" and not "cacti"

"do you wanna go to applebees?" me: [just realizing that some apples will sting me] nope

go ahead and talk shit about me and my love for dinosaurs. you know how many shits i give? one. and that is the shit of christ. father son and holy ghost, bitches

[matches with a good looking girl on tinder] oh yeah, ya boy's back in the ga--aaand she's a robot

just washed my hair with body wash, so yeah i guess you should take a moment of my time to talk about jesus christ

sometimes you read the joke, sometimes you are the joke

eggs are just babies that are okay to eat

me: do you have any evidence behind these claims? judge: your patient is literally dead me: accidents happen in medicine judge: you're a dentist.

i crack open several cans of beans, seperate the beans from the bean juice, and throw the beans away. "that's the good stuff," i say after a big sip, bean juice mustache on my upper lip

she had such wide eyes.. like elmo. she had red hair.. like elmo. she loved to be tickled.. like elmo. she had an amazing laugh.. like elmo.

sorry, i'm practicing for porcupines day

me: welcome to the annual church dance. Let's get two things straight: this is god's house [rips off slacks to reveal parachute pants] but this is MY dance floor

"i just started a water based diet" me: buddy, almost everything is water based.

Tech N9ne is short for Tech Nninene

science: been around since 1994 and has still not invented a squirrelfish

alexa, read me "goodnight moon" in borat voice