My therapist has been validating my fuck boi era for far too long

Im a chef and todays commute is a dish that I feel really connected to

New enemy is the person who didn’t warn me there was no tp left in the stall

I think I’d do really well in frat hazing coz I routinely give myself Brazilians in the middle of the night w a pair of tweezers

Plankton was the original incel

Absolutely obsessed w the power I have to move this tsa security line

Being super silly at a vegan cafe

I wanna watch a Temu documentary

It’s really crazy that I’m not a dad at a Taylor swift concert right now

Tic tac toast

Gonna get drunk tonight and make this Australian turn on the Toy Story football game

I’m here for dunking, not nuance

The butts in the Baby Got Back video aren’t even big

Youre 24? Yeah it’s over

(kissing his receding hairline) who did this to you

“Would you ever delete social media?”Hmm. Would a jester ever flee his court? Or would he understand the infallible truth that a jest, when spoken to a court of none, becomes a tragedy?

My fave roster boy has cancer,,, sad

Funny boys don’t like me but funny girls do so I think maybe I’ll be okay

Just looking for someone to watch me play ‘Cut the Rope’

Do you think Burt’s bees get a fair wage