The first Norman King of England carried a large percussive disc everywhere with him, leading to him becoming known as 'William the Gong Courier'.

Yo, yo, yo! Come and see this super talented cast! And I'm in it too! Hark, hear me sing in such numbers as 'Six', 'Cellblock Tango', 'Gonna Wash That Man Right Out Of My Hair' and 'You Love Who You Love'! Get your tickets now!!! 🕺🎶 x.com/StowmarketODS/…

My wife and I met at a 'Make a Jelly in the Shape of a US President' class, and I knew she was the one, from the moment I set Eisenhower.

👏MARVEL at my Catherine of Aragon in 'Six'. 😱GASP as I engage my best pout and dance around a chair as a sultry murderess in 'Cell Block Tango'. 😍WONDER as I 'Wash That Man Right Out Of My Hair' in a costume best described as... a little bit sexy. regalstowmarket.co.uk/RegalStowmarke…

I'm so tired today. I was up most of last night jumping over lamps and lanterns. But to be honest I've always been a bit of a lights leaper.

Just finished a book about a bloke trying to stay afloat after falling in the river. Gripping reed...

What better way to persuade you to come and see Miscast Musicals than creating a disturbing / sinister looking gif of me singing at band call this morning!!! Get your tickets here, yo. regalstowmarket.co.uk/RegalStowmarke…

I've had to crop this VERY SEXY photo for reasons of decorum. But if you want to see MORE... Book your tickets now!!! regalstowmarket.co.uk/RegalStowmarke…

Reed Richards from the Fantastic Four has got a job as a Greeter at my local supermarket. He's not allowed to use his superpowers, but he's very good. He welcomes everyone without stretched arms.

Today I retired on medical grounds from my job striking church bells with my patellas at funerals. I was a knee motion knell wreck.

People think the only audition I've ever done was for the 'Gypsys, Tramps & Thieves' singer's musical version of Pygmalion, but I've done more than My Fair Cher.

Baskerville's top-grade crazy hound (6)

That's the large Hedren caw-lighter.

Apparently, all the warnings about a particular herbal infusion making you anxious are just hemp tea frets.