cutting a bread bowl like its a pie and taking a slice while the soup spills all over the table

I’ll be like "i needed that laugh" and it’ll be something i said

cinephile at the thrift store call that goodwill hunting

We really do need a separate grocery store for people who've been on earth before

Eddie Kingston needs to be the one who says “Yo, we don’t do that shit here” in regards to shitty “what” chants #aewdynamite

They call the song Don’t Fear The Reaper but then they go and add that scary part in the middle

Movie theaters seem important as truly the last space on earth where you are forbidden from using your phone

A move completely antithetical to the ethos of the Alamo and to those who love the theatrical experience they provide. This is a profound and upsetting mistake Alamo Drafthouse

if you're happy and you know it how the fuck

the fact that walls get dusty is ridiculous. you're vertical. act like it.

My dirty secret is that I never start a puzzle with the edge pieces. Inside-out or die, baby.

That blade has been in my family for generations. Ever since my great great great grandfather ordered it from swords dot com

Conga lines creep me out. It’s like an impromptu upright human centipede, flesh moving in unison with no predicted end.

Getting lots of love for my sign tonight. Thanks everyone 🤘🏼🤘🏼 #aew #aewdynamite

Funny too because I spent 300 times longer on this Thekla sign but I don’t think it made air 🤣

That bloodcurdling yelp.

The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.