Turn signal? Like I want any of you fucks to know where I'm going....

Let's be honest... You've totally dropped your phone on your kiddo while breastfeeding.

Me trying to hide drinks & food from my nosey little one that wants everything I have 😭🤣

Sure, I'll forget everything important in life but I still remember the entire Kill Bill whistle.

Me: We need to talk more. Him: but we both work from home and see eachother all day. Weeks later... Him(running into my office): Panda Express Orange Chicken turns 35 today!!! Me: ??? Him: you said we needed to communicate more. He's vegan🤦‍♀️

I need more mom friends willing to meet up on occasional play dates with their kids but also be down to destroy kids on Fortnite with me. #California #Californiamom #letsbefriends #GamersUnite

We are getting married next year in Yosemite close to where the current fire is happening. I hope they can save the ancient sequoia trees 😭 #Yosemite #Wawona #California #fires

He's a 10 but he asks for no lettuce and tomatoes on his burgers.

Thirteen is on Hulu. You're welcome.

It is time. Representing my upside down smile. #NewProfilePic

I feel like I've been cheating on Twitter with Facebook & Instagram.

Yup. Me. I am parent with sons 😆

Me: I don't know what I want to do with my life. Hubby: Maybe you should go eat some fortune cookies.

If they don't use Smile as the next Halloween maze at #universalstudios I'm not going.

Came here to see if Twitter is still alive. Pleasantly surprised.

I'm here because Instagram & Facebook is down. Well played Elon Musk.

You weren't my first choice X.

Not me looking at my husband sideways for a year after this came out.

A phase that never ended 😅

Are any of my followers still active? I've returned.