Yes, this is the writer of the best selling novel ‘Inside’ speaking. What? No! I have -not- been ordering copies under false names. Wait, what’s that laughing? Blair and Chuck, is this you? Because so help me… #NewProfilePic

Pretzels? I’m strictly a kaiser roll kind of guy. You should know all about that. You’re a spitting image of Wilhelm.

Oliver Twist, huh? Nice to know you think my story has a happy ending. But as for that dollar, I think I’ll pass. You can just put it towards that amount you keep on retainer to keep the minions loyal.

I think you’re hot, Serena.

My hair. Huh. I thought it was the trust fund thing. Oddly, that boosts my self perception. Thanks, Blair. [grins and hopes you are in despair— but pushes it even further] You softie.

Why’s everyone in Europe so obsessed with marijuana?

Me and bae judging Nate after he’s slept with another woman who won’t take him seriously bc he deserves the world.

Bringing back funny man Dan because you all need it (mostly me.)

Yeah, you owe me 8000.71 in exact change please. Thank you for filing your tax reports with us.

Waldorfia.

BLAIR Phew. I thought you were gonna say something about SLEEPING WITH CHUCK BASS. Even capitalism is better than that.

This night just got so much better.

― New to the character, not RP ― Literate ― Judgmental enough for you to want to throw your Louboutins at me.

When they keep forgiving you despite the fact that you're a pathological liar and malefactor.