they call me communion cuz im that cracker with the juice

Eating ice cream for dinner like a death row inmate on the night before his execution

He created Margaritaville is what he did. He coined the phrases “5 o’clock somewhere” and “cheeseburger in paradise” single-handed. He was a brave American singer-songwriter who pioneered the island escapism lifestyle. And in this house, Jimmy Buffett is a hero, end of story.

Playing margaritaville like taps today

Every year or so, a fast food restaurant comes out with a product like “The Bacon Fucker” and the ads are all like “Are You Man Enough To Let The Bacon Fuck You?” and guys everywhere run as fast as they can to buy it

House of Leaves (Danielewski, 2000)

Local news station deserves a medal for the script on this segment

I figure if I take up vaping and grabbing the hog during a live musical, they'll make me a folk hero.

it’s HER day

Sure, Kevin McCarthy may have humiliated himself for Trump. Yes, it took him 15 tries to become Speaker. And, of course, he had to beg the dumbest, most racist people in Congress to vote for him. But on the bright side, he ended up with absolutely nothing.

Nothing more satisfying than the crack of the bat in October

"Hot Girl Summer" is over. Welcome to "Small Penis Fall." trib.al/3lNer4z

I thought I was tired, but my body just needed cheese pizza

this album defies the laws of time and somehow came out when every single person was a sophomore in college

uncles screaming at dinner tables— that the reason nickelodeon put a new Rugrat in the show was to distract the public from Defending Israel

Don’t tell me you “love punk rock” if you don’t even know who they are

(Taking a sip of ale and texting my childhood best friend) you were in my dream again last night…hope that you’re well… (taking another sip and texting my wife) whauts up