do you think mikes drink mikes harder to get harder

“mid 2000s fashion is back!” no there just isn’t anything else left u bled these places DRY lmao

beers steers and queers

beans boobs and brews

I feel like such a little bitch boy using a coupon- but I think that’s on my brain having some pushed back classist insecurity- like babe you are poor you NEED the coupon

if I could shoot a song it’s the cold beer on a Friday night one

rootin tootin n executin

Today was my last straw with being greeted with “ hey girly “ by my co workers, very politely told them if they call me that I’ll shoot them

no one can hurt me I’m seeing mannequin pussy

did your stripper best friend tat your face in LA, cause mine did

my drafts are all wholesome, Ally-oops drafts however …

my parents are breeders ofc I hate them

so whose gonna talk about the anti gun cis hetero to - armed non binary twink pipeline

everyone talks about Schmidt but do you know Leo

traveling with ally “ if this fucking gas pump doesn’t work we have to leave this state “ *5 min later* “that was the most exhausting 20 min of my life”

one time I matched with someone on tinder than they said they worked at Dave and busters and I unmatched for that reason

it’s funny to think about all the materialistic things I used to care about and needed for happiness but now I just need to be under a tree

i don’t have “plans for the 4th” i’m not a fucking republican