at a dive bar, sheryl crow on the aux, next in line for big buck hunter, chicken sandwich ordered, life is good

the glitter boys dj’ing this wedding I’m at rn is like the highlight of my year

mom come pick me up they’re making fun of the rolling stones I’m scared !!

heavy is the head who wears the fake chanel earrings

I walk into the room beret first

G Easy implies the existence of G Complicated

phone so dry I just keep lowballing people on ebay

king for a day playing at the bar ……….

someone played a dwight yoakam song at the bar last night and I cried

the paradox of my job not buying tampons with applicators because it’s a waste of plastic and then in the same breath ordering thousands of dollars worth of drop shipped crap from temu to sell in the store …… pick a lane !

the balenciaga city bag is the bushwick birkin

it’s gonna be a mumu summer

gonna fill my living room with sand RIP brian wilson

the jonas brothers next special guest is going to be oasis and all of the brothers are going to argue on stage for 13 minutes

is it real estate or realest ate ….

is my type just sideburns?

the pennifer is mightier than the sword