Whoever has my voodoo doll, can u just finish me off already

I’ve learned in my 27 years of life that you cannot send 2 questions to a man in the same text message, or separate messages before receiving a reply to the first one. You will only get an answer to one of your questions. Simple creatures. Slow down for them.

Me at 16: if I’m not married at 24 I’m dying alone Me at 24: if a boy looks at me for more than 5 seconds I’m filing a restraining order

Coachella is like Woodstock inside a Target

I say the word alas a whole lot for a fuckin dimwit

Starting a support group for ppl who don’t like Game of Thrones

she’s right and she should say it

i’m not gonna ask you again, what the fuck is in your mouth

Somehow all of the neighborhood cats managed to get into our trampoline...

I’m locked out of my dogs Facebook account that i created in 2010 and they won’t let me back in unless I send over a copy of his drivers license

to this mf day….i tell you, trauma.

The jellyfish is the most masculine creature in the sea, as it is both fragile and toxic

Very proud to announce that I am officially a lost cause! Thank you all for your continued support unfortunately it was all for nothing!