Yesterday I ate *6* oatmeal cream pies

Having his little mermaid moment

“Butt Crack” sung to the tune of “Love Shack” - a love song inspired by my boyfriend

Apple juice doesn’t fuck around

I farted and my boyfriend said “huh?”

me when my baby sleeps 5 hours straight

Of course I would have ridiculous egg cravings during a time when eggs are a bajillion dollars

my right boob after I pump 6oz out of it

I’m worried that the baby thinks people can’t change

me when I read a chapter of an actual book

Mfw the ceiling fan is turning at the perfect speed

Potatoes and Meatball

when I remember what the 3am version of me bought while I was feeding the baby

becoming a mother means picking someone else’s nose

My bfs kids when I make garlic bread out of hamburger buns

I’m officially a facebook marketplace mom

I got an adrenaline rush from killing a wasp

I called the cat Charlotte and I called my daughter Meatball

turns out there is a strict return policy