I have become a cliche.

American Horror Story has literally become the equivalent of a bad improv troupe taking suggestions from a drunk audience: We need an occupation: GAY HAIRDRESSER! SHALLOW CELEBRITY! FRAU BLUCHER! And a location: FALLOUT SHELTER! HAUNTED CASTLE! BOTH! #AHSApocalypse

Winnipeg doesn't know how to do an IHOP. Been here an hour and not one meth-head or hooker fight. #ihopwpg

[Stay Puft Marshmallow Man stomps through the city] Now is not the proper time to discuss the coming of Gozer the Gozerian.

Just started watching Christmas Story Live and I am already enraged.

Dammit. They took all the racism out of the Chinese restaurant scene. #AChristmasStoryLive

What we could do with $1.5 trillion: -Make college tuition-free -Provide universal preschool -Repair our crumbling infrastructure -Fund CHIP for 107 years -Rebuild Puerto Rico What Republicans did: -Give tax breaks to the wealthy and corporations motherjones.com/politics/2017/…

The Winter Olympics are turning into the Hunger Games. 😩

Danny DeVito has been selected as tonight's Oscars designated survivor and will be held at a secure location for the duration of the event. #Oscars

The Star Wars banter was so desperate.

Hey guys, I'm joined tonight by my friend @KennyGinWpg . Kendra, I've been live tweeting with @alyciamariexoxo and Dane Praznikopolis . Everyone follow everyone .

By the way, we are a few minutes behind again.

People who go to see a movie at a theater right next door to the Oscar ceremony DURING the Oscars, don't give a shit about the Oscars. #Oscars

So far I'm batting a thousand. Here we go with short subjects.

Dammit, I pussied out on Get Out for screenplay.

Deakins finally wins so we don't have to riot, guys!

Love the sound guy panicking when the song guy mentioned his dead mom. Moment of the night so far.

So happy that Guillermo won. Still doesn't make up for his losing the Emmy for playing Pappy McPoyle on Always Sunny.

Love Frances' recreation of that scene from Reefer Madness.