“I'm worth it' I whisper as I take a multivitamin for the first time in weeks

Growing up, Sesame Street taught me the importance of education, empathy, and kindness.

Bugs Bunny, on the other hand, taught me that revenge on my enemies should be quick, clever, and brutal.

If avoiding people at the store was a professional sport, I could be a 1st round draft pick.

Sleeping under one of these in the summer growing up was so comforting

maybe birdwatching isn’t for him

these soaps are something I thought signified wealth when I was a kid. I used to steal em.

It's 5 o'clock somewhere, probably the back of this truck

MARIE KONDO: does this empty box spark joy?

ME: yes

MK: and this old iPhone 4 box?

ME: yes

MK: and allll of these Amazon boxes? do they spark joy too?

ME: yes

MK: and this other one over here with all of these smaller boxes inside it?

ME: yes

One of the biggest challenges in the workplace is trying not to eat your lunch before 10 am

At McDonalds looking at the menu through opera binoculars.

I never realized that being an adult would entail owning so many containers

The mower of Christ compels you