Murphy Roscher (@murphyrow) 's Twitter Profile
Murphy Roscher

@murphyrow

Storyteller, writer, recovering Stand Up Comedian.
Crisis Counselor at the Trevor Project.
Dog Dad

ID: 236973944

calendar_today11-01-2011 19:59:20

10,10K Tweet

816 Followers

1,1K Following

Murphy Roscher (@murphyrow) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Do you ever think back on your middle school classmates and think, "How did I end up this bitter and miserable compared to all those doofusses?"

Murphy Roscher (@murphyrow) 's Twitter Profile Photo

There was a vendor at the stadium I went to as a kid who had a wonderful rhythmic call, "Coke Diet Coke, Cherry Coke, Spriiiiite!" And the the world invented Surge, and he just squeezed in Sprite, and went "Suurge!" Ill never forgive the world for Surge.

Murphy Roscher (@murphyrow) 's Twitter Profile Photo

When I turned 18, I went to the casino. When I turned 21, I went to the bar. Today, I turn 35, and I'd like to announce my candidacy for U.S. President.

Murphy Roscher (@murphyrow) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I dont know who needs to hear this, but Succession wasn't that good. It's just manufactured suspense, without grounded stakes or follow through on consequences. And the exact same character flaws get in the way each and every time.

Murphy Roscher (@murphyrow) 's Twitter Profile Photo

They say a dog takes on the personality of its owner. I've had my dog for 9 months, and it's been fascinating to watch her turn into a functioning alcoholic

Murphy Roscher (@murphyrow) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Im a trans rights advocate. And Ive been trying to come up with a slogan or a line to use that pivots people off of concerning themselves with others genitals, and on to our humanity. And I think I found it. "We all shit out the same hole." #TransRights #Trans

Murphy Roscher (@murphyrow) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Podcast idea: Benson and Stabler chat with Molder and Scully, and they just keep trying to one-up the other pair with their craziest investigations. Lots of "Oh, you forgot to tell them about the anal probe!" from both sides. Called "What's Up There?" #SVU #XFiles

BBALLBREAKDOWN (@bballbreakdown) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Jamal Murray throwing a heat pack onto the floor during live play could get him suspended for Game 3, and it would be merited. Unbelievably unprofessional and worse: dangerous.