I’m working like a dog, meaning all I did today was eat and sleep

Steal a base steal a taco? I wish someone would steal my heart and I’d die

I have a can’t do attitude

a cactus that spits the truth is called a factus

eating mean cows because I like beef jerkey

I end my prayers with awomen because I want god to know im not a misogynist

public transport is bussin

sour cream and onion chips is proof that two wrongs create a right

companies should sponsor viruses like bowl games. "Sorry boss I cant work today, I was exposed to the Outback Steakhouse-19"

a truck with the complete package

From KIA Boyz to KIA Family

Hello Professor, I am sorry I missed the exam today, I needed to reassure my gf I would love her as a worm.

GET RICH QUICK - said the scamming bitch

A sales person told me a jacket was made out of recycled coyote fur. I know it was recycled, it was on the coyote and now its a jacket.

The World Cup is great until you have to actually watch soccer

preachers warning about hell like I dont deal with demons everyday

I want to get dirty with Mr Clean

As a feminist I only play Womancala

They should sell pepto bismal at fast food restaurants

You know you fucked up when you start checking the syllabus grading scale