'Reverse cowgirl' so that we can both watch the "A Benihana Christmas" episode of "The Office."

Finishing schools are always “back east.” That’s where they keep them.

Is there really a Santa Claus? Well, I'm your childless neighbor standing by with milk, eggs, and extra batteries. You tell me.

Yeah, I'm standoffish. It's my least admirable trait and believe me that's a competitive field.

The Little Mug That Wasn’t As Heavy As I Thought It Was (And How I Picked It Up With More Force Than Necessary)

I feel pretty, oh, so pretty! Never go by your feelings, honey.

You wanted to stay home so badly. Look at you now. LOOK.

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