i could use some shit with some bop in it right about now

Can’t lie I’m not all that into hockey but that game may have got me me hooked. What a fucking game.

i swear women have 2 drinks at the bar AND NEED TO TALK LIKE THIS FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT

air mattresses are great for when you wanna sleep on the floor just not right away

I can’t wait to be that old man chirping refs after 6 pints at the local Jr. b game. Failed marriage, crippling gambling debt, hooters platinum card, 2018 Subaru outback, what a fucking life.

Crisscrossed apple sauce gotta be the fruitiest way to sit

I gotta find me a 80 year old women with a good will and plates you can’t microwave

fuck college a good Donald Duck impression can get you far in life.

wow what a ice storm. you libs can take the tarps off your cars now everything is ok nobody died… fml

today was just a normal day for a silly guy like me #aprilfools

As much as I hate the guy this was well deserved.

Probably the best email I’ll receive all year.

voting red again is like returning to that abusive ex to get your shit rocked one more time

It’s far easier to pick a pocket when your elbows are up. Fucking clowns

It’s a good night to not give a flying fuck about hockey

You can’t clog a toilet if you shit in the top. #wordsofwisdom

Today holds the record of most bomboclauts said in 24hrs (I’m assuming)

Yk what bugs me. When a chick says “ya” like “how are ya” or “what ya doing later” disgusting.

To all you people out there, Merry Christmas.

After seeing that crossing guards tik tok I think I’d rather just J walk.