Taking down the photo of a guy eating a turd in a napkin like it's an ice cream cone from my vision board and replacing it with a photo of a guy eating a turd in a napkin like it's a dribbly taco.

For years my dad had a VERY lucrative speaking career billing himself as Ed Landers, husband of advice columnist Anne Landers, until the day we all remember in horror when the real Ed Landers shot himself in the chest in a live stunt gone wrong on the set of the Today Show.

Our next award is for outstanding achievement in animated shorts. Animated shorts? What's that, a man getting an erection on his penis to come on the inside of his boxers? whatever. Here to present is Anna Kendrick.

TMZ reports that Jay Leno put out a fire in his car garage today by twisting his arm around so fast it created a vortex of flame that he released harmlessly in the air above him. The celebrity's balls and his six inch cock remained hanging undamaged in his jeans.

Jay Leno, from a hospital bed after his close call with a car fire, reassures wondering fans that the shaft, acorn shaped glans, and intact prepuce of his six inch uncut American cock are unburnt. The comedian's penis is currently resting heavily on a set of fat pink goose eggs.

BRAVE! Jay Leno, facially disfigured in a horrific car fire, shares photo of his genitals hanging over his jeans to prove for fans that his average-length but attractively hooked six inch cock is unburnt and functional. Jay took over The Tonight Show from Johnny Carson in 1992.

I've joked a bit about poor Jay Leno's six inch dick but the truth is, while he was rolling around with his skull on fire like ghost rider, a hotrod burned rubber directly on his dick and squished it into a real beaver tail, just big black leather square covered in camaro tracks.

If there was a season 6 of the Wire I think the theme would be TikTok. Daniels, McNulty, Frank Sobotka etc would all download TikTok and do the dances, the challenges, and all get the TikTok haircut. They would all be recast as 19yos and we could set it in NYC or even LA.

A real man would be secure enough in his own sexuality to recognize which of his friends are handsome. He'd have no problem taking my experimental bimbofication pill that instantly turns him into a big boobed floozy. He could securely suck off all his buddies non-stop. No issue.

If president trump peeled apart his potato white cheeks and gave me a crack at that yellow hole I would pull an all nighter huffing his beef. Get out the word. I'd be in hog heaven. The Associated Press Reuters CNN Breaking News Lionel Richie

This holiday season, as you sit down with your family and reflect on a year's worth of support and growth, laughter and love, please know that, every day, I will be masturbating in the middle row at an afternoon screening of The Fabelmans.

Best Picture frontrunner The Fabelmans is out in theaters now - Spielberg's magnum opus about the magic of cinema, the mystery of life, and the pain of growing up. I half paid attention while I pulled on my little skin lizard until it spat glue in an empty carton of milk duds!

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ The Fabelmans is a must! Didn't see it - had eyes closed the whole time to concentrate on reaching loud orgasm as I pleasured myself in the dark, then staff assaulted me with brooms to make me leave midscreening. Gotta say though, Judd Hirsch absolutely stole the show!

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Racist? Sure, I'm "racist": Racial Animosity Causes Inequality Systematically Dumb Ass Honky

Now that nasty Halloween is behind us, we can focus on Christmas, the magical season where every year we all confess a deep seated sexual attraction to Herman Munster by signing all of our holiday cards and corporate emails "ho ho ho I wish me a merry ten inches of monster zaddy"

slowly cums out a single shelled peanut that perfectly fills the reservoir tip

Retail sales for Pokemon Scarlet & Violet, featuring Golduck and other returning favorites, fell short of expectations this month. Analysts observe that the Water-type Pokemon, who evolves from Psyduck at level 33, has faced many recent credible accusations of sexual misconduct.

There's a lot of nostalgia for the 90s these days but for some they were hard to live through. When Full House came out, I was relentlessly bullied by being called Kimmy Gibbler at school, just because it sounded so close to my real name, Cummy Gobbler.

Ranking How Good of a Kisser is Each Member of the Fantastic Four: - The Thing: 10/10. It made my pussy so wet to kiss the Thing from the Fantastic Four. - Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, Human Torch: N/A. I am not interested in kissing these members of the Fantastic Four.