“He’s on ozempic so we don’t invite him anymore. We have to jump through so many hoops to appease his odd lifestyle. It’s bizzare. Anyways how are you? Newly promoted! That’s awesome.”

Coffee chat with HR was so fun today. Girl talk is a must 🤭🤭🤭

Whenever someone tells me I shouldn’t joke about something 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

This chick at the gym with an eye patch is high key bad. Not even lowkey . Not enough eye patch girls getting love on this app 😭😭😭😭

My parents, my choice . If my parents have the right to abort me, I should have the right to euthanize them. Idk they’re just kinda inconvenient at this point. A huge burden to me. Financially and mentally

Comparison is a well of happiness. A never ending well of happiness…. Well at least when I compare myself to you

Received a call today letting me know I’ll be attending a pitbull + tpain concert this year Hallelujah 😇👏🏻🎊

Apple’s vision pro spatial personas allowed me to play chess against my dead grandmother for the first time in 17 years 😭😭😭😭👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻❤️‍🩹everything was the exact way it was 17 years ago 😭😭😭 how 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

My biggest trauma in life is seeing the fridges of obese people

I need the weather at my wedding to be muggy

“Bulldog got charged with extortion???”

I say id do anything to be rich and famous but then I see a video of Sam Altman and I’m like “thank god I’m not weird looking”

Holy shit 😭😭😭 people are trying to have weddings with less than $100k 😭 good fucking luck 😭😭😭😭

Interests: the fair, the mall, the pool, the library, the grocery store 🤷🏻‍♂️😎

My mom is trying to ground me for drinking lean 🫠😤😩 Bitch I’m 30! 😩🤷🏻‍♂️🏃‍♂️💨😗

Im once again having the “half acre isn’t a sketchy place” conversation If it’s a sketchy place . You’re a sketchy person . I’ve been hundreds of times and I always had a ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ experience 10/10 time. Good crowd. Good music. Cold beer

My dad’s roommates dog just bit me

Pregaming the massage parlor

Readying the roast #MyPLMorning Bulldog’s Wolves vs Spurs #COYS