Chick-fil-A might as well start a student driving class with all the damn cones they have laid out

I stopped explaining myself when I realized that people will only understand from their level of perception.

Accidentally punched myself in the face trying to pull my blanket up.

The McLeod’s parents are hands down the best

#NewProfilePic

“If I see one more person texting while driving I’m going to roll my window down and throw my beer at them”

You ever hit a bump in the road so damn hard your Juul light flickers?

I pray to God that you never let the little things in life distract you from the bigger picture.

It’s taken me 26 years to realize that if you don’t live with a dog you’re doing life wrong

Flock them clean sheets on ya bed and hit ya knuckle on the ceiling fan every once in a while.

Shake the tree and watch all the haters fall from the branches.

I should probably know this shit by now

Don’t sell yourself short, you might be bulletproof.

Sometimes I tell myself “5 more minutes” without an alarm set. You can say I’m sort of a badass

“How’s work going?” I didn’t look both ways before crossing the street on my way in.

Catching feelings should be on 1,000 ways to die.

Ayeeee my dog got a deal at Hot Topic! Best roast gets a $50 cash prize! Now until 8pm tonight. Drop em 👇🏼DB ⚔️

I’m a whore for bogos

It takes twice as long to build bridges you’ve burned.