Literaleigh is a beautiful name for a girl ❤️

i don’t have “plans for the 4th” i’m not a fucking republican

“everything isn’t about you” yes it is it’s literally my life

women are always right

one could argue that chex mix is a salad

i be like “i’m fine” then shake my leg 138mph

“Yeah I had breakfast today” The breakfast:

“When did I ask” Is never not funny. Unless u do it to me then actually grow up

i like to have a little bit of time to myself all of the time

notice how we say “girl” when excited and “man” when disappointed

chill with me at your own risk i don’t mind being quiet for 4 hours

can u watch him while i go smoke

Last night was a screen recording

i still think people are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk

I was born to slay but i’m forced to work

My face during a plane crash so my wife doesn’t get the ick

stoners funny asf like wtf you mean you gotta smoke before you shower so the shower feels special 😭😭