you can be thirty and put ribbons in your hair, it’s not illegal

before you send that “hoppy easter” text, ask yourself: will I be able to survive if this gets left on read?

anything can be about you if you try hard enough

playing games in the pursuit of romantic love is fucked… just be normal and tell me you would take a bullet for me and then do it!!!! Take the bullet coward!!!!

good news gentlemen… I actually love rats

dexedrine changed my life (lost 7 pounds and cleaned my baseboards)

day drinking and smoking cigarettes in a public park at 2pm ass weather

normalize being fugly

I need to post a vague selfie in a hospital gown on my Instagram story for attention soooo bad. Alas… I’m healthier than ever. Who up who want to break my arm???

imagine your lip flip kicks in right before a first date and you have to use all your might to wrap your dead ass lip muscle around a paper straw… it happens… even to gorgeous girls like me

P U S S Y I N doctor’s office getting a pap

being sweet and witty when I ask ChatGPT a question so I have a chance when we enter the Her (2013) universe

if you ever see me at the subway on Broadway and Carolina just know that I’m turning and turning in the widening gyre and you should not approach

I fear the girlies at jenny’s nails may have been roasting me for being weird and off-putting but as usual they delivered

wearing my stolen valour carhartt vest in the middle of a tim hortons packed with construction workers .. i’m shaking…

new way to spell Jeff just dropped

taylor making is sooo hard to be a stan in public … how am I supposed to tell my friends I’m looking forward to an album with a title that sounds like my msn status in 2006

immovable object (my ass on the couch) vs. unstoppable force (desire to be seen in public to confirm that I actually exist)

when I feel truly fucked I like to visit the Pizza Hut lunch buffet in my mind palace

I am not the same person I was a few hours ago (posted a me at 21 instagram story for some reason)