this is a brutal indictment of the court

It's actually pretty wild when scientists in completely different fields are telling you to wear a mask for completely different reasons and people still walk around like, "Naw, it's good. I'm immortal and consequences aren't real."

You have to pretend to be a wizard sometimes, for your health. The simplest method is D&D, but you can open the dishwasher and raise your arms dramatically as you're enveloped in the steam. It's an important component of human well-being to occasionally pretend to be a wizard.

There is no greater revenge than living well.

I don't know what to tell you guys. We have to expand the Court. If we don't expand the Court, no liberal policy will be allowed to exist for the rest of our lives. That's why Republicans stole the court, that's why rich people pay for justices. Govern yourselves accordingly.

I just want the energy, time, and resources to execute my litany of unhinged ideas. Is that so much to ask?

I'm sure this will help them make more measured and reasonable decisions in the field as opposed to bring dystopian literature to life.

From both a facial similarity perspective and a proven-ability-to-play-a-psychopath perspective, I believe Kathy Bates is the only person that could play Elon Musk in the inevitable biopic.

I'm on BlueSky. I'm on Threads. I'm on Mastodon! I'm on my last nerve, folks. There are too many apps trying to be the same app. If one app could be bought by a fascist and laid to ruin in a few months, maybe we just don't need it anymore.

Listen here, Chicagoland meteorologists... you don't get to taunt me with severe thunderstorm warnings and then just give me humidity. I already had humidity. You were telling me I had to be cautious about the frequency of my toilet flushes, you charlatans.

No quarter given to bigotry. Not an inch.

This is too relatable. I've never been accused of being a robot directly, but I've definitely had people wait for "friendlier" team members.

This should be the byline on every #Barbie poster from here on out. It makes me want to buy a ticket right now.

Make like most of Max's highest quality content and leave.

Hurry everyone, make them.

Mitch McConnell suffered what appeared to be a medical event during a press conference and we all hope he'll make a full recovery added by the best taxpayer-funded doctors and medicine that he fights tooth-and-nail to keep from American citizens.

Do you guys ever think about Chicago’s parking meter deal?

It's probably important to note that Congressman John Rose offered a scholarship to a teenager while he was in his 40s that he'd later marry. You can almost always tell what a Conservative is doing by what they're currently accusing others of.

The only downside I've discovered to being able to autoblock Blue checkmarks on Twitter is that now the primary people who rage on my feed are bigots who can't afford the $8/month.

Political polls are wild. They actively sway elections because people trend toward what they think is the median, but the respondents are people with landlines that answer unsolicited calls and provide political opinions. Anyone doing that is not an "average American."